Reason # 5 - Um, I might be scary?

A couple of years ago I was getting a lift back to a campsite that a group of us were staying at, when one of the guys in the car was talking about his first impressions of meeting me. He said he'd thought I was scary, that he had (initially) felt intimated - partly by my personality and partly being knowing what I do for a 'job'. He said something along the lines of not being sure how to approach me (even in just a friendship context) and that it took a while to get over his preconceived notions. I was SHOCKED! Me? Intimidating? Considering I know myself, and I know my weaknesses and insecurities it was hard to see how this apparently confident, secure and self assured individual could have felt that way. But he isn't alone is he? We all have different notions about what a person might be like before we actually dig a little deeper and get to know them.

So I've saved the trickiest reason for why I am currently single for the last of these series of posts. It's one that, although I have theories about (naturally), I don't really have any answers or conclusions to give. This one is out of my hands so, if they're bold enough, I'll leave it to the boys to respond to...

Here goes, reason # 5 for singleness: because I'm in full time (paid) ministry.

I was 'warned' while at college that it would be harder. I was told that Christian women in ministry are almost 3 times more likely to stay single than their male counterparts. That guys find it much harder to ask out a female in paid ministry for any number of reasons. Two of the biggest being a feeling of intimidation or an uncertainty about whether they can lead a woman who leads others.

It sucks. I don't like it but I think I knew what I was getting in for when I started so I'm not really complaining, just stating what I see as a contributing factor.

I get it - but I don't. Feel free to enlighten me guys...


PS - here ends this series of posts; next week, preaching conference and the Word.

Reason # 4 - If I'm picky enough about my shoes...

I'll admit it, I have a shoe fetish. It's been inherited and cultivated over the years through my mother. Generally speaking, they need to be functional (doesn't always mean practical though), to be feminine and have the spunk and personality to go with the outfit. It may not always be obvious from what I wear to uni, but I'm picky about my shoes.

So if I'm going to be picky about my shoes - then how much more so about a relationship? Not any old shoe will fit - so why do we try and make relationships?

I don't want it to seem too much of a contrast from reason #3, but my grandparents can supply an answer to reason 4 for singleness: I want a part of what they have in a relationship - and I'll wait until I get it. While spending some time with my Nan a couple of weeks ago, she told me the stories of their early courtship. They met briefly at a wedding of a mutual friend in 1940. Two weeks later, being unable to get her out of his head, my grandfather went and borrowed a dog so that he could walk it up and down her street until he could 'bump into her'. During the war, they wrote to each other every day and over the 65 years that they have now been married their adoration for each other has only grown.

Not too long ago, I met a woman who (in the face of recently beginning to date someone) told me that there comes a time when you have to realise that there isn't going to be a guy who models for country road and wants to do mission. I was horrified. On two levels really: firstly that she would have such a superficial understanding about a relationship - but also that she was so determined just to be married that she would 'settle' for anyone who wanted to marry her.

Now I may be a romantic, but I'm not an idealist. It's not (repeat not) that I am waiting for some Mr Perfect - but I know myself, what I want to give and receive in a relationship. And I also know that I don't want to 'settle' because I know that a marriage takes more commitment than that. So for me, a part of my singleness comes from the fact I'm patient enough to wait for someone that I can offer the best of myself to, and vice versa.

Shoes need to fit properly - who willingly asks for blisters?

If home is where the heart is - can I have two?

Pets are pretty amazing. They're a part of your family and are pretty much one of the few things that you can count on to unconditionally love and trust you - even after the crappiest of days. The fact that it's been a rough couple of months kind of came to a head on Thursday when we had to put my dog (of 12 years) down. It sucks. So I ran away - but I ran to a 'home' of my past.

There is a place down south where I pretty much spent my summers growing up. In its' remoteness and isolation, it's a place where I feel completely safe, comfortable and at peace - so I went back down this weekend to spend some time with the family friends who live there. And being in a reflective mood, I thought I'd give you some memories.

I went for a couple of runs, about 5 km's of beautiful beaches and invariably my runs would take me past this place. It's known as 'the Gantree' - seen here for fishing, but for me, it was the place where I went to learn how to do backflips when the tide was high enough.

As well as the sun and the surf, time down south always revolved around the beach and about 10 of us sitting around a big table eating enormous amounts of great food. This weekend was no exception - except now it involves more good wine for me.

The only negative about this weekend was getting tossed around like a rag doll in the surf while kayaking, and getting smacked in the back of the head with an oar. I have some almighty bruises...


...but considering that this was the view from my room - I think it was worth it.

Reason # 3 - Are we too serious?

Ok - so it's been a while since my last post. Lots has been going on, most notably all last week I was away on a preaching conference at Sydney Missionary and Bible College; where Don Carson and Dale Ralph Davies (among a few others) took a couple of hundred of us through Gods word and what it means to teach it to others. It was awesome - but I'll write more about that after I've processed it all. For the moment, I'm going to finish what I started a couple of weeks ago before everything went nutso on me...

Are we Christians sometimes too serious, or too intense, as we approach the idea of romantic relationships? What happened to good old fashioned dating? Getting to know each other in a particular context to see if something might happen in the future? In a mature and Godly way, exploring possibilities (yes while looking out for one another and being careful of not abusing someone's heart) and not thinking that going out for coffee (or dinner) meant that you automatically had to start thinking about marriage?


(well, I thought it was funny...)

Update

HE SURVIVED! Still waiting to see how he'll recover but we're all a lot happier today.

It's been a crappy 48 hours but this is the quickest way to get a scratch of info out to people as to my lack of responsiveness. I'm in Gosford, staying with my Nanna while my Pop, at this moment, lies in surgery that will continue until around 11pm. I came up yesterday after hearing that he has had another heart attack. Doctors have said he wont survive long without surgery (a couple of days?) - but that he probably wont survive another invasive procedure (he just had one a couple of months ago). But he's a tough, stubborn Scottish man - so I'm holding out hope.

I know that there are some who read this who are not Christian - and to that end I ask you to read this next section with an open mind, patience, to be challenged or at the very least, with the knowledge that it is unbelievably hard for me to write.

No one in my family are Christian. Last night my Nan told me that Pop turned his back on God, and the church, a number of years ago. Trying to offer words of comfort or hope (in the face of a situation where I know from Scripture that there is none) that are also true... I am finding almost to hard to bear. But by the grace of God...

Please pray for my family and myself. I'm working off about 3 hours sleep here since Wednesday morning. Will post more later.