A Soverign 24 hours
I went out the other night to hear some friends play at the Sando in Newtown and it was a great night -but unfortunately (or providentially) the last song that Amy and James played for us has stuck in my mind and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since... they did a cover of a new Paul Kelly Song called If I Could Start Today Again.
Here are the lyrics:
.... and ever since I've been thinking, if I could start one day again, take one day back and change it - which one would it be (and can I only have one?)? Why would I change it? What would be gained and or lost about the person that I am today because of it?
So often it seems only too easy to look back to 'something' that we would like to take back or do over again; for any numbers of reasons - pain to others, to ourselves, something that has made us more vulnerable, with tougher walls... and yet isn't often those very things that God uses to not only break us but also, by His grace, to refine us and make us like purer gold?
Here are the lyrics:
All the kings and queens in the bible
They could not turn back time
So what chance have I of a miracle
In this life of mine?
I only want one day
To unsay the things I said
Undo the thing I did
Twenty-four little hours
Oh God, please wipe them all away
And I promise I will change
If I could start today again
I know I'm not the milk and honey kind
Today I proved it true
When the red mist falls around my eyes
I know not what I do
Please give me back today
And I won't say the things I said
Or do that thing I did
Every minute, every hour
The replay's just the same
And I can't stand the shame
Oh let me start today again
I only want one day
One lousy day, that's all
Of every day that's been before
Since time began
I know my prayer's in vain
But for a second I'll pretend
That I can start today again
.... and ever since I've been thinking, if I could start one day again, take one day back and change it - which one would it be (and can I only have one?)? Why would I change it? What would be gained and or lost about the person that I am today because of it?
So often it seems only too easy to look back to 'something' that we would like to take back or do over again; for any numbers of reasons - pain to others, to ourselves, something that has made us more vulnerable, with tougher walls... and yet isn't often those very things that God uses to not only break us but also, by His grace, to refine us and make us like purer gold?
posted by jodi @ 11:03 pm
4 Comments:
At 1:23 pm,
Louisa Claire said…
Well, you've certainly got me thinking over this one!
At 2:40 am,
EmP said…
I don't even need to tell you, Jodi, how relevant I found this post...
Refinement might make us better in the end but the process itself sucks!! If only it was just one day that I wanted to "do over".
I'm stuck thinking is it really worth it? This brokenness, this refinement does it really make me like a purer gold?? If that's Gods purpose in it all does lack of results mean He's failed or have I?
At 3:55 pm,
jodi said…
Hey Em,
I'm sure that you and i will keep chatting about this sort of stuff over coffee sometime soon - but for the sake of any one else reading....
I think it's hard because we want to measure the results of 'refinement' in a close time proximity. We want the benefit of hindsight now, and yet lately I'm realising how it's taken me about 7-8 years just to process how God was working to refine me in just one month...! It's frustrating isn't it???
I don't think that means that either God, or we, have failed simply because it can be such a lengthy process. As frustrating as it is, there's nothing wrong with not knowing 'why' now. I know it's not 24hrs, but take for example two really crappy months that I had in my life several years ago... now I feel very differently about that time in my life than I did even 3 years ago - and than what I'm sure I will feel in the next 3 years.
But yes, the process does suck - but like the pain of well exercised muscles in the gym I really do think that it makes us stronger - if nothing else in the knowledge that this world is not as it should be, and that I want for either Jesus to return, or to long for my true home even more...
At 10:50 pm,
Chelsea Taylor said…
way too often have i replayed events or conversations and wished id said something i held back...
i have since decided that this is actually pretty unhelpful! Its ok to think about it to maybe think about how i could do something better/stronger/wiser in the future, but to desire to change the past is one of those things that will eventually eat away at you i reckon.... there is so much more we could be doing in the present and future without dwelling on what has or hasnt been... this is what i eventually realised anyway.... becuase, as you so perfectly put, God simply works in and through those things to refine us!
Of course to remind ourselves that is the case sometimes doesnt come as easily....but as you say, we are refined by HIS grace!
Jodi, im enjoying reading more of your thoughts again lately, and particularly relate to this one!
Thank u!
C
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